When we can't see the new thing yet
A couple things that get us much closer
There was a situation in my life last year that was hard to navigate. I didn’t know if I was helping or making it worse. I worried about the long-term effects of today’s choices. It activated younger parts of me who felt scared and overwhelmed and sad. It was a absolute tangled mess of string. Every attempt to untangle the chaos only led to more knots.
One day I realized how deeply I was clutching my way of seeing this situation. I had stories and assumptions I assumed were true. As long as that story was unequivocally true in my mind, I could not see anything else. My brain raced around every day trying to solve a situation that had no room to turn or expand or breathe.
What if there’s actually a different way to do this?
If so, that meant I had to wrestle with those assumptions and beliefs. Which brought up new visitors.
Anger made her presence known: This is so unfair! It shouldn’t be this way!
Fear jumped out from her shadowy corner: This isn’t how everyone else handles this. What if that one thing happens? What if that other thing happens? No, no, no. Back to safety we go.
Shame hissed from the hallway: You should know how to handle this. What’s wrong with you?!
Grief had big things to say: But this is how I thought it would always be.
Funny thing is — every time I make room for those emotions to surface so they can say their piece and receive some gentle affirmation, they fall back into their comfy chairs and relax. Then I’m able to tap into my true self and make choices that feel aligned with who I really am.
Fast forward to this year and that tangled mess of string has unwound itself into individual identifiable strands that make sense. They were each acknowledged and believed. Loosening assumptions created abundant space to look at the challenge from multiple angles.
What if we tried this?
Or maybe this would be a better solution?
Shame, fear, anger and grief didn’t have to clamor for my attention and stifle all forward movement because I invited them to have a seat and let me know how they were feeling whenever they needed a minute.
Today I am celebrating massive steps toward healing and liberation in that terribly knotted situation from before!
It feels good to reflect back and see the wrestling from this vantage point. My current self is so grateful my past self did that really hard work to face what felt impossible. To allow one string to unravel, and then another, and then another.
It was uncomfortable and scary.
But it’s the only way I got to arrive at today.
There really are some visions and possibilities we can’t see until we wrestle with and release assumptions that keep us from seeing what could be.
What about you, my wonderful reader?
I imagine you’ve got a situation or two that feel a bit stuck. The energy isn’t moving like it used to. Maybe there are some challenging emotions that are outgrowing the numbing and disassociation techniques. There’s an assumption or story you’ve always believed about this kind of situation and it’s being challenged.
What might it feel like to ask a radical new question?
What if that one thing isn’t actually true forever and ever?
Is it okay if that changes?
Here’s the kicker — even asking the question might invite some of our inner parts to need a moment. That’s okay. It really won’t kill us.
Well, hello anger, fear, and grief. I’ve been expecting you. Tell me what you’re feeling. We can handle it.
Dear ones, we really do sit on a goldmine of energy in our bodies and the systems we move in. And sometimes, that energy gets stuck in old stories.
Here’s to cultivating gentle curiosity and a deep trust in our inner world. It’s beautiful in there. All the parts of you are hoping you’ll make a little space for them to walk with you toward the new story that’s only possible when you trust the unfolding.
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