What we do when life is upside down
Dry erase boards, naming what's true + love
Last February we got the call that my brother was in the ICU in Alaska. We scrambled to get plane tickets, car rides, and places to sleep. My husband and I flew from Los Angeles to Seattle to get to our kids who had just seen their grandmother quickly leave the house to get to her son’s bedside.
Life had the audacity to flip upside down that day.
I walked into our house, exhausted and numb, unsure how to be a mother when I just needed to be a terrified sister. My kids ran into my arms and tears flowed anew. We sat with them on the couch and told them everything we knew. At that point, we didn’t know whether to choose hope or reality. Maybe both? All signs pointed to this not ending well, but we didn’t yet know. All we knew is that I needed to get to Alaska.
How does one communicate confidence and safety to children who are watching their adults disintegrate in front of them? Especially for children who struggle with anxiety and shifting routines.
I refused to lie to them. But I didn’t know how much of the truth their young bodies could handle. That parenting manual we never got definitely didn’t cover Saturdays like this one.
So I did the only thing I knew to do. I pulled out my dry erase board and wrote down what I knew to be true. A tiny bit of solid ground that could hold everything we didn’t know.
We love Jeremy.
Mom needs to visit Jeremy and she’s leaving on Sunday.
We will be okay and we are loved.
Sure, I wrote that list for my seven and ten-year-old who needed handholds while we spun out of control.
But let’s be honest. I needed that list more than they did.
We named love first.
Because that’s where all of life is sourced. Within, through, because of love. When nothing makes sense and everything is out of order, we can start with love. It’s our first identity and practice. Even when it’s hard to see in others, it’s their primary identity too. We are made of love. Love will always offer handholds when life feels upside down.
We named one immediate need that could be met.
One clear step of action that could be accomplished soon. I booked a ticket and a ride to the airport. In the meantime, we waited and processed and tended to our sick stomachs. When life flipped outside down, it helped to name one thing that would breathe us through our frozen trauma response.
We named love again.
Because it’s that important. So often when life hands me a situation I don’t understand, my brain morphs into fix-it-and-control-it-mode. It gives me a dopamine hit to feel like I’m making progress but really — I’m spinning my wheels because I cannot handle the ridiculously uncomfortable emotion of powerlessness. In the face of our human inability to fix the unfixable, we’re invited to name love again. In the midst of a tragedy, a broken relationship, a diagnosis, the news, a headline — we are loved.
We connected in community.
There’s power in naming these things with other humans. I can whisper them to myself and it grants some solid ground. But magic stirs to life when a community names what’s most true together. We gather strength from each other as we step into a terrible season. We know we aren’t alone. Love goes before and after us. A few small needs can be met. And we will do all of this together.
Grateful.
Healing.
Solidarity.
So, my readers — as we journey together in this season, curious about the threads and stories in our lives, may we know love is where we begin and it’s where we end. No matter what our story holds for us, we can book end the pain and healing of it all with love.
And just maybe — love is what holds the whole mess of yarn in the first place. Almost as if we were never meant to hold our lives on our own.
Here’s to the love that scoops us up and gently brushes away the tears and the fear so we can see the next beautiful story in front of us.
Love is that good to us.
Reflection Questions
Where is love sourcing you today? How might it feel to name it and more deeply connect with that love?
Where does life feel upside down? Is there a moment of self-honesty that could open a door to the next step?
In the midst of chaos, what one immediate need could be articulated and planned?
How do you know you’re loved in the moments you forget? What practices support this knowing in your body, mind, and heart?
Do you have a community who holds you in this season? It might be a partner, a few friends, a family, or a larger social circle. If you’ve got a couple people offering their hands in a season where life is upside down, how does it feel to trust those hands? You genuinely don’t have to hold this alone.
Current Offerings
The Thread Retreat: A weekend women’s retreat January 6-8 on Camano Island here in Washington state. Let’s take your next step of healing together. Registration ends December 15. Details.
Christmas Text List: It’s not too late to join! Want to receive a daily text with encouragement this holiday season? Together, we will ground ourselves in rest, love + wonder during this holiday season. Join the list!
Palms Up Path: Ready to ask some brave and bold questions in your life? Need to take a deep breath? This course gives you a spacious framework that holds you while you journey inward. Details.