What do I need to hold loosely so I can become a student again?
It’s exhausting to manipulate what would rather flow.
You know how it’s easy to feel a little embarrassed when someone pays you a compliment? You brush it away and move forward, unwilling to really feel what the person is trying to convey to you. Well, this past week I got to share a guest essay on
’s Substack. As the comments rolled in, I sat with each one and let my body feel how good it felt to connect with other late diagnosed neurodivergent humans. It was a beautiful gift to reflect on what I’m learning and how our lives look in this season.Click below to read the essay!
You know I love a great question. Here’s one to invite in for a little walkabout. A little rumbling around your heart these days. When we ask a new question or an old question in a new season, it’s like pulling a thread in a tangled mess of yarn. We’re not quite sure what we’ll find, but we choose to trust it’s leading us somewhere beautiful. Challenging too. But worth it.
Here you go:
What am I invited to hold loosely so I can become a student again?
Life has this way of unconsciously closing our hands. And our spirits.
We begin a new journey with all the freshman energy we can corral. Things are brand spanking new and we’re humble and everything is possible. We imagine what could be and everything seems possible.
Then life happens. We drift. What seemed possible starts to look different. We pull back a bit. We start to settle for the easier route. We stop asking ridiculously wild and brave questions. Maybe how it’s been is how it will always be.
Or maybe we become somewhat of an expert in that area of life. We’ve been through a lot and we learn things. We know a lot of the answers so why ask new questions? We know how it will go.
Ugh. That sounds so boring, doesn’t it?
What am I invited to hold loosely so I can become a student again?
Is it a relationship? I bet it would feel lovely to see that person in a gracious new light.
Your body? Maybe you don’t have the answer you’ve been chasing. Choose to trust your body’s journey even if it’s uncertain and scary. Breathe it home.
That worldview? It’s okay to outgrow a way of seeing things. You’re becoming new all the time. It’s okay to change your mind.
The top of the ladder? You made it to the top, looked around and realized, this isn’t actually what you want. You can let go. Even here.
I wonder what you’ll find if you got to be a student again.
The best news? You can release your death grip on the thing in front of you that’s taking inordinate amounts of energy to control. It’s exhausting to manipulate what would rather flow.
Open your hands.
Breathe gently.
Loosen your grip.
Feel the uncertainty.
Acknowledge the fear.
Trust love is holding you.
Open and breathe.
Still Here
When faced with unexpected loss, pain and grief set up camp in our bodies and we don’t always know how to talk about what we’re experiencing, especially in the first year of loss. Still Here is a collection of poems for those trying to make sense of the fragility and terror of losing a loved one. We name the shock, wade into the everyday nuances of grief, and eventually take tentative steps into the land of the living again, only to discover love never dies. Somehow their love is still here, dancing with our every breath. Still Here is an honest reckoning with the pain and frustration of grief while journeying toward surprising healing.
Written by a poet and pastor who unexpectedly lost her youngest brother, she captures the ache of loss and the complexity of healing as her family travels the first year together. As she braves the unbearable with curiosity and trust, we’re invited to unravel the grief that awaits each of us, in the hope that love never dies.
They’re still here. So are we.
Palms Up Path
The Palms Up Path is a self-paced virtual on demand course that guides you to befriend your fear, question the stories you’ve been handed and deepen trust in yourself and the love that supports you. You’ll learn how to hold your life in a way that creates spaciousness and freedom. Designed by a writing pastor who journeyed deep into high-functioning anxiety and panic attacks, this course is for the anxious and exhausted among us who are in search of a better way to live.