There's a part of me I meet only on vacation
I love her
There’s a part of me that only surfaces when I’m on vacation. When I have almost zero responsibilities or obligations.
I love her.
I hate this.
She feels so different than normal life. She’s relaxed and carefree. She’s lighter.
But planes return home and cars pull into driveways and life gets heavy again. She hangs back while the other responsible parts of me step up.
I practice Sabbath rhythms most weekends. No email or work on Fridays & Saturdays. I get glimpses of her in those moments of quiet reading in my hammock or doing a craft project. She smiles when I go out to dinner with my husband or stay up late watching a family movie.
The more I work with the different inner parts of me, I recognize the joy and ease of these younger parts. I bet she’s five or six years old. Full of curiosity and delight about what’s unfolding.
It makes sense that extended periods of rest on a vacation create space for those younger parts to come out and play. She senses it’s really okay to let go. Nothing needs urgent attention. And if it does, the older adult parts in me know how to take care of it.
I love how she feels so free.
When we return from Hawaii, my husband and I joke that we finally found the vision for our backyard: a tropical vibe! We’ve always loved palm trees and the ocean. He grew up in Florida and I hung beach scenes on my middle school bedroom walls in Alaska.
We sketch out our backyard and see it come to life on paper. We put together furniture, create water features, and pot plants.
I notice part of me is VERY focused on this project. I work a typical day and then quickly set aside my laptop so I can play in the backyard. There’s something about this emerging vision that’s deeply intertwined to what I noticed in Hawaii.
The part of me I meet so beautifully on vacation is trying to work her way into my daily life. She longs to rest and play. She sees the heaviness of life and wants to grin and giggle.
I spend many days lately grinning like there’s some secret joke I’m in on. It’s not rocket science. Just a girl who’s slowly healing her inner world and making space for those healing parts to embody their natural state.
I stand by the ocean and cry the last few days before we leave Hawaii. Not because I don’t want to go home. But because I met parts of me who are so happy to see the light of day. Tears are full of gratitude for time away from daily life rhythms to notice how good this all feels.
Now I continue forward, tucking little moments of five-year-old inner joy in between the heaviness of life. And somehow, she keeps filling me back up so I can face another day.
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If you know someone who is curious about inner child work or Internal Family Systems, consider sharing this with them. We could all use some love.
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