the sweet and spiky

the nuance of changing dreams

i used to think
my dreams were products
books and movements
things i could
hold and measure

but lately?
my dream is something
i’m co-creating with
my younger parts
and my family

something i can’t
hold or measure well
but it’s the thing
that makes me shimmer
with want

a life that fits who i actually am

the books are for fun
the ministry is for love

but learning to love me
when i’m vibrant and wordless
shiny and cloudy
sweet and spiky
after a lifetime of
dissociation is the
dream that invites
me forward

it’s the story
i most want
to hold in my hands

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Books

• There She Is: Love Notes on Finding Home

• Still Here: A Poetry Memoir on Grief & Love

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Gratitude

• Our kids have FIVE days of school until 4th & 7th grade dissolve into summer warmth. It’s been such a good school year for both of them. We’re holding the joy and sadness that it’s winding down.

• A friend called last night and it reminded me how grateful I am for long-time friendships that hold history.

• It’s super fun at 42 to be dreaming new dreams lately!

• My husband and I celebrate TWENTY years of marriage in a few weeks. It feels like such a big milestone mixed in with the simple rhythms of everyday life. Part of us wants to go all out. Another part of us just wants to get pizza and watch a show.

• Working full-time in the summer with kids at home is tricky. I used to feel like I was never present enough to anyone. But I’m making my peace with it. We’re learning the rhythms that allow me to show up for work and family in ways that are nourishing to me. Our support network covers the rest and it’s more than enough. But I still notice some dread and nervous anticipation as we attempt summer together at each new age.

• The church I serve has lost a few saints lately and some aren’t doing well. I’m grateful for the ways they love each other. And for allowing me to walk alongside during these seasons of grief.

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Know someone who is dreaming new dreams? Consider sharing this with them. We could all use some extra love!

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The Thread is a weekly-ish newsletter where we untangle the stories that make us who we are so we can show up to our lives with spacious presence, brave honesty, radical love & wild curiosity.