Let's be honest. We romanticize growth.
I'm the worst offender.
“Mom, I don’t want to grow. It hurts.”
My son whispers these words one recent evening, while we talk about his growing body. I notice my inclination to remind him of all the good things that will happen in the future and how it’s worth the aches and pains. But that’s not what he needs.
Instead, I respond, “I hear you. I believe you. It does hurt to grow. And you don’t want to hurt.”
His body relaxes and he lays his head on my arm.
Sometimes all we need is another human to really see us. We don’t need a fix. Or an explanation or justification. Please just notice how difficult this is sometimes.
It’s easy to romanticize inner growth and healing. “It’s all positive vibes and peace and love.”
No. It’s not.
It’s difficult work. It’s why a lot of people go their entire lives not doing much of it. Because it hurts.
Yes, I write often about the beauty and love that overflow in a heart committed to its healing. That’s true. But let’s take a minute today to honor that growth hurts.
Growth is making the appointment to talk to a therapist.
It’s feeling the pain of emotions you’ve ignored for a long time.
It’s asking a question you didn’t know your life wanted you to ask.
It’s learning new frameworks around generational trauma, inner child work, family systems, somatic healing, attachment styles, and engaging shadow work.
It’s cultivating a nourishing relationship with your body.
It’s realizing how an addiction is numbing the very life you want to live.
It’s setting new boundaries that might feel weird at first and upset other people.
It’s getting comfortable with quiet reflection and noticing what emerges.
It’s having hard conversations with people we love.
It’s learning that all of life is a process and we can still enjoy this present moment, even while we unravel and heal.
It’s disappointing people who don’t understand why you’re questioning things they thought weren’t broken.
It’s practicing new behaviors that feel uncomfortable and vulnerable at first.
It’s learning to trust ourselves.
It’s hearing the voice in your head that wants you to stop because it’s too scary or difficult or uncomfortable — and deciding to befriend that voice instead of believing it.
It’s making changes in your life that support who you are becoming, instead of who you’ve always been.
Growth hurts.
Sometimes we don’t want to grow.
And that’s okay.
Love understands.
Love knows we get tired. And scared.
Love looks at us and gently nods. ”I hear you. I believe you. It does hurt to grow. And you don’t want to hurt.”
Something within us releases the breath we didn’t know we were holding.
Death and resurrection. It hurts. Then it heals.
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