I took my inner kid to the zoo
Shimmering seals + loving ourselves home
A recent journal entry records this single sentence:
There’s nothing to defend when I have access to my core self.
Our core self has always been there. There’s nothing we can do to destroy it, no matter that amount of pain, trauma, or numbness we’ve piled on top.
Our heart, soul, essence (whatever you want to call it) is strong and tender. Calm and curious. Connected and confident.
My faith teaches me the presence of the Divine who created me that resides there. If that’s not your story, the good news is your core self is still those beautiful things.
We don’t actually have to strive and do more and be better to finally gain access to our truest self. Instead, we get to meet all the parts of ourselves that hold pain and opinions and patterns. As we nudge those parts back toward our center so we can listen and affirm them, they relax a bit. They untangle and breathe a sigh of relief. They’ve been tired.
The more we unburden these heavy parts of ourselves, the more access we have to what’s been at the center the entire time.
Us.
Me.
Our core self.
I Am.
I take my inner kid to the zoo one warm August evening, along with my husband and actual human children. We have a delightful time as the Friday night live music rings through the park. We giggle at pooping elephants and spinning seals. We point at lanky giraffes and sleeping bears. We nod and smile at strangers enjoying the warm August air, as if we all understand the assignment. Summer is coming to a close. It feels good to be out and about in community.
A couple hours later, a whining child gives us the cue to head toward the exit. But somehow we get distracted by an entire exhibit we missed. The trail takes us down to the bottom of the seal tank. Void of visitors, I feel myself drawn to the glass window that separates me from the swimming seals.
The shimmering water instantly brings every part of my attention into my breath. I instinctually raise my right hand to the window and hold it there for what feels like ten minutes. The seals swirl and dance in the water.
My soul flutters.
Everything and everyone disappears from my awareness.
It is only my truest self and the water. As if they are conversing in a language without words. But a language part of me intuitively understands.
Awe.
Wonder.
Beauty.
Peace.
I was the first born kid of four. I loved being a big sister. I also grew up quick and sometimes had to leave my young self behind.
Healing the youngest parts of me often looks like silliness and play. She gets to be goofy and dance in the kitchen. She plays through writing at the coffee shop. She giggles and shows memes to her husband and friends. She skips along the path at the zoo.
My inner kid loves the blue water that night. She grins as one seal sails over to say hi.
My dear readers, may we create all kinds of sacred space for our younger parts to delight and wonder. They have much to teach us if only we’ll listen a little closer.
'Love your writing and invitations. I absolutely love to bask in the beauty of nature. I love all sorts of play activity, games, music, creativity, etc. I also love to just sit real still, close my eyes and be with the inner child inside and imagine Jesus holding her close whether happy or sad. Then I picture Jesus holding the whole world that way. We are loved.
Every word of this. Me, too.