I mindlessly turn my van into our neighborhood a few days ago. Lost in thought, I navigate around a parked car and a kid playing basketball in the street. Someone in an approaching car waves and smiles. A few yards later, someone walking on the sidewalk waves as I drive by.
My van passes a home down the street from us and the mom that I’m slowly getting to know waves while unloading groceries. As I approach our driveway, one of the neighbor kids smiles and waves.
Four people.
That’s it.
But I noticed something beautiful in my body. The warm shimmery joy of belonging.
We’ve lived in this neighborhood for just over two years. Long enough to genuinely know some of our neighbors, while being on waving status with a fair amount of the others. We’ve all silently agreed to care for each other’s trash cans when they get knocked over or a child needs support during the street soccer game. I walk neighbor kids to school when their parents need to work. Our front door knows the knock of a variety of kids who love to play.
Belonging is built over time.
But it’s also gifted in a moment.
Just because someone lifts their head and waves. Just because someone chooses to smile when they didn’t have to.
Most of us don’t know the challenging things each other holds. We walk right by front doors not knowing the pain that resides fifteen feet away. Culturally, we spend so much time inside on our screens in our own worlds, when real live humans exist a stone’s throw away.
I’m fascinated by these dynamics in a neighborhood. This wild mix of proximity and privacy. Especially in our neighborhood where houses are SO close together. We share parts of life together, but we also rightfully have space that’s just ours to continue nurturing the story of our family.
Gratitude bubbles in my body the day those people waved my direction. They don’t know that I’ve long struggled to feel I belong in a variety of spaces. The differences I struggle with have often been an unnamed awkward barrier to genuine connection.
I work so hard to create the thing for others that’s so hard to access myself.
But the more I create a life that fits who I actually am, I gain more access to genuine belonging in a variety of spaces.
The more at home I am in myself, the more I’m able to receive love from those around me.
We can help people feel seen, known, and loved in such simple ways:
Learn and remember names. Kids and pets too! I have a list in my phone of everyone I’ve met on our street for when I forget.
Greet them regularly. A wave, smile, or “Hi, good to see you” builds recognition.
Ask small but personal questions. “How’s your week going?”
Offer your story too. A little openness builds trust.
Live in a neighborhood? Be outside. Spend time on your porch, yard, or walking in the area.
Remember their story. Bring up something they’ve told you before. “How did your appointment go?”
Show up consistently: Reliability builds trust and communicates love.
A few days later, I can still recall the joy in my body at feeling known. Seen. Acknowledged. Not for any of my story out in the world. Simply because I’m creating a home in this neighborhood and so are they. Because we’re choosing together to create connection and care in this communal space. Because we’re all made of love and this is what love does.
As we all continue to navigate an extremely challenging point in history together, these small ways of neighborhood connection help us recover our humanity. It deepens our roots in community care. We actually do need each other.
Here’s to a few more waves and smiles this week. They might be exactly what someone needs.
Life This Week
My son turned eleven this week and our kids started 5th & 8th grade!
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Know someone who is thinking about belonging lately. Consider sharing this with them. We could all use some extra love!
The Thread
The Thread is a weekly-ish newsletter where we untangle the stories that make us who we are so we can show up to our lives with spacious presence, brave honesty, radical love & wild curiosity.
Hi Jenny. I can relate to your words. I've also struggled to feel I belong in a variety of spaces (most recently in a new church). After a couple of years I've started to feel more connected after realizing that the lack of connection I felt was perhaps coming from me. I started to smile.😀
Jen- I'm so thankful you're finding a sense of community in your neighborhood. I know the last three moves especially, brought their own challenges. But home now brings a sense of safety and welcome within your nuclear, biological, Church and neighborhood families.