Dancing around the truth

Maybe it's time

Do you ever find yourself in a season where you’re dancing around the truth?

Consciously or not, you’re circling a thing that if you said it out loud, it changes everything. It’s a big deal, isn’t it? Maybe it’s only a big deal to you, but we get it. It’s your entire world through your lens.

Naming that truth to yourself or others means your story changes. Not just the one you try to define in your mind. But the actual-lived-out-loud-life you embody. It might even be a truth that ends up marking a before and after season in your story.

I’ll never forget the day I was walking on a treadmill in the guest room at our home in Alaska. My anxiety was rapidly growing like my daughter’s wheat plant sitting outside my window right now. Sprawling all over the table like it owned the place. I watched myself fearfully darting around the truth that was coming for me, ready or not. No longer able to keep the beach ball under the water, I finally let go.

Katy Perry’s “Roar” resounded from my iPhone 3 in the water cup holder on the treadmill. Something rose up in me as I walked faster and faster.

It felt like determination. Courage.
A raw will to live beyond the current terrible grip of fear and anxiety.

It felt like telling the truth.

Back in 2018, I found myself sitting by a lake with a notebook full of book ideas. Looking down, it hit me square in the heart. I’m a writer. It was a before and after moment. I could no longer deny that my heart loves to write.

A few days ago, I sprinkled some of my brother’s ashes at the base of a small tree at our new home. Thanking him for how his gifts made it possible to buy this home, I honored his legacy, even though I’d much rather have him here. He really died. He’s not going to visit us here and sleep on my couch and eat my food and play with my kids. I’m grateful for how the reality of loss comes in waves. I couldn’t bear it if it all hit at once.

Is there a truth inside you that longs to be seen? Affirmed? Believed? Wrestled out of hiding?

May you create space this day to quiet your mind and body and listen in. May this truth that already exists outside your control be beautiful, even if it’s painful. Yes, truth can hurt. But it also heals.

Thinking of each of you in this season. May your truths invite your next dance steps in this one life you get to live.

Grace,
Jenny

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