Blankets + deep sigh love
A Christmas Eve gathering for neurodivergent humans
On Christmas Eve, I found myself in a cozy room lit with multi-colored lights and gold tinsel from the dollar store. Soft round saucer seats awaited the arrival of families looking for a different kind of Christmas Eve ritual. A YouTube video of a fire crackled on a big TV. Trays of food and baskets of fidgets awaited little hands.
As each child entered the space, I knelt by their comfy chair and asked if they wanted help opening the fleece blanket we picked out for them. Each young head nodded up and down. Smiling gently, I tore off the paper and unfurled the holiday blanket of softness. Placing the blanket on their laps, I was gifted a moment that took my breath away.
A deep sigh.
Each child, one after another, smiled and sank deeper into their chair as the blanket enveloped them.
Safety.
Nervous systems finding home.
Ahhhhhh.
This is a beautiful moment for anybody, but knowing the context for some of these families makes it even more beautiful.
This gathering was designed for families with neurodivergent members. We live in a world with neurotypical expectations. And while many may find the ways we communicate and gather to be easy to navigate, there are many who can hardly keep up. And if they appear to keep up, it’s likely damaging their mental, emotional, and physical health.
We’ve been curious — What does it look like to center the needs of neurodivergent families in Salem when it comes to progressive faith community? If it works for them, wouldn’t it still work for most everybody else? Yes.
As we learn together, I thought I’d share those noticings with you all. Whether you’re part of faith community or not, I imagine there are things you can practice in your friend groups or school or even with strangers, because I guarantee that you’re surrounded by neurodivergent humans every single day. There are lot more of us than most people realize.
ChatGPT for the win
A little refresh: Neurodivergence is a way of describing how people's brains work differently. Just like some people have blue eyes and some have brown, brains can have different ways of thinking, feeling, and experiencing the world.
For example, some people are really good at focusing on details, while others see the big picture. Some might feel more sensitive to sounds or lights, while others might not notice them much at all. These differences are part of what makes each person unique, and they can be strengths as well as challenges.
This includes beautiful humans who align with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, OCD, anxiety, depression, Tourette Syndrome, tic disorders, epilepsy, sensory processing disorder or traumatic brain injuries. It’s a broad and evolving term.
What’d we do?
We tried to reduce any expectations that can feel monumental for families who work through sensory overwhelm, time blindness, routine disruption, anxious social situations, etc.
Florescent overhead lighting can be really tough for some brains to process, so we brought in lamps from around the building, hung Christmas lights, and turned off the overhead lights.
We tested the volume of videos and music to ensure we could keep it on the quieter side but still able to hear.
People could pick up fidgets as they entered if it felt helpful to process that extra energy through their hands.
Families were invited to wear Christmas PJ’s if that felt comfortable and easier than convincing a kid to wear fancy uncomfortable clothes
Families were invited to bring a familiar snack. We also sent a list of available snacks that would be familiar to most kids (Capri-Suns, crackers, string cheese, cookies, etc).
We were mindful of attention spans as we arranged our elements. Good variety without getting too long. Lots of interaction with space to observe. Freedom to move as needed.
We sent a handout with the other of the gathering for adults to share with kids & teens who’d find it helpful to walk through transitions ahead of time.
My autistic and ADHD self loved this gathering because there was enough structure to soothe my autistic need for order but enough spontaneity that my ADHD brain found it exciting and interesting.
One parent reflected, “I could actually relax and be present. Sure, my kid wandered around and made some noise, but I knew it was really okay.”
We planned for about 30 people and 50 ended up showing up! It’ll be interesting to see how gatherings evolve when more families in town find spaces like this meaningful.
Friends — I came home late that Christmas Eve night after multiple services and wrote in my journal:
Creating sacred space for neurodivergent families is why I exist.
The way this gathering brought me home to a part of myself is hard to put into words. To have spent the last two years journeying deep into what I never understood about me to now being able to curate spaces for families to take a deep breath of relief and peace?
It healed a little more of me.
What. A. Gift.
I told you about the deep sighs of the kids that healed my heart. But I must also tell you about the next question many of them asked.
“Can I take off my shoes?”
“Why yes, you most definitely can.”
Friends, this is Love. Creating spaces of connection where humans get to take a deep breath and step more fully into their humanity. Where we sense that all of who we are is welcome. It’s more than a blanket and shoes on the floor. It’s the wide-open invitation that Love gathers us into a warm cozy hug and kisses our forehead with such adoration and delight. Our life’s work is to release every story that tries to tell us that’s not true.
Love longs for us to enjoy a deep sigh.
To kick those shoes off and get comfy.
Thank you to each child who continues to show me what Love is actually all about. Here’s to a new year of journeying together, my friends!
There She Is: Love Notes on Finding Home
“How lucky are we that Jenny is both a pastor and a poet? I read poem after poem thinking, ‘THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE’ only to discover another one that resonated deep in my bones. Jenny’s poems are a heart gift and a reminder to me that I am courageous enough to find my way home. Spoiler alert: All we find at the end of the thread we’re pulling is love.” - Tiffany Baker
Jenny, your story felt good. These words spoke to me..."Our life’s work is to release every story that tries to tell us that’s not true," we all need this, I think.